Changes and all that rot

 2014 has been an interesting year so far, and as most of you know, my life is never dull. January and February were spent just trying to deal with the winter blues and heading to Caps games. March, well, March is usually a blur. Parade Day in Old Town, friend's & family birthdays, St. Patrick's Day, and then my birthday. We have bestowed the grand title of "The Month of Debauchery" on the third month of the year and this year was no different. March also saw me saying good-bye to Graycie Allen after 18 years.

An odd thing happened around my birthday. I finally recognized some of those difficult life lessons that I knew were there, but did not have the balls to accept. I remember when my Dad turned 40 and years later him telling me that 40 is great. As kids do, I doubted him and continued to forge my own, albeit rocky, road ahead. 

Dad was right. 

It has been a rough few years with constant life changes, disappointments, and successes. I consistently questioned life and myself, and somewhere along the way, forgot what it was like to be me. And then April and May ushered in warmer temps and new perspectives. I began to think that just maybe, life would even out and I could take a moment to catch my breath.

No, I was wrong.

Three weeks ago saw me resign my 'dream job' and I found myself facing financial and career uncertainty. It was one of the most liberating days in the past 5 years of my life. For the first time, I was not bound to a husband nor a job and I had every adventure laid out in front of me. I called my Dad and my closest friends and family to let them know and began networking the very next day. Several offers came quickly and within days, I accepted a brand new position at a fantastic start-up. Done. 

Here is what I have (FINALLY) learned:

-There are no fairy tales!

 Repeat, there are no fairy tales in life. They are just that, tales. Life is hard, in fact, it is an absolute bitch at times. We are not handed dreamy relationships and jobs; we have to work at them, a lot. We have to make our own happy endings, not rely on the 'story' of how they came about and coast through retelling the magical tale to others and ourselves. Yeah folks, it took me 40 years to figure that one out. I may be intelligent, I'm just not exactly smart sometimes. 

-Change is not only inevitable, it is actually good.

I never had a problem with changes that were beyond my control, but change that needed to come from within is where I have struggled. I attribute this to my Irish stubbornness and work ethic that I can make anything happen and can fix everything and anything. Yeah, I was pretty wrong about that too. After experiencing several situations that literally sucked the soul from me, I have now learned to recognize the 'tells' of when it is time to get out and move on. Sooner is better than later. Period. 

-Fuck regret! (and it's ok to fail)

To segue from the previous point, I have also stayed too long in unhealthy moments because I was afraid of regretting walking away too soon. Fuck that. Life does not come with a handbook and along the way, I am guaranteed to make mistakes, which I have made plenty, and I have finally learned that I will make decisions that I may regret, but that they are a part of the learning process. I just have to be bold enough to accept the lessons and learn from them. I give myself a C+ for that over 40 years. As a Type A person, I plan to improve that grade over the next few years. Also, as a Type A person, I have to recognize that if I fail at something, I am not a failure. The situation and or timing or both, was just not right and I need to observe, learn, start again, and move on.

-Never lose 'you.'

I have a fairly, well let's just say, interesting dichotomy within me. I also seem to offer fantastic advice, yet sometimes forget that I need to listen to myself. Which is difficult to do at times when you forget what makes you, well, you. I have always wanted to fix everything for everyone and after a while, that idiotic thought process has made me resentful and at times, non-functioning. When I have my shit together, I am a pretty badass person who is smart, funny, and a force to be reckoned with. Key phrase: when I have my shit together, ie: I know who I am. It has been a 'fun' road over the past few months to get back to that place.

With turning 40 and the major change of jobs, I actually feel pretty damn great! I have opened myself up to new challenges and for the first time in a long time, I feel ready for new adventures, even if they don't work out. Most of this is obvious to all of you, I on the other hand, am a little late to the party. But that's ok. To relay a quote from the show Mr. Selfridge, "The past is just history." Yes, yes it is and it is my history to learn from and not look back on with doubt or feelings of regret. 

I hope that all of you are well and enjoying life with a few tasty adult beverages!