The Hometown Bar

The month of March brings warmer weather, rain, green grass & flowers...ahh, finally! The month of March also brings mine & the husband's birthdays, St. Patrick's Day, Old Town's St. Patrick's Day Parade, March Madness & friend's birthdays, all of this in turn equaling a lot of time at the hometown bar. Bad for the wallet and my liver (yes, I did fall and break it) but great for 'quality' time with friends and a lot, and I mean a lot, of laughs. Hence why when I get a text asking where I am at or what I am doing and I reply "at the 2nd Living room" it's really fairly accurate. The following observations come from the past few weeks at the 2nd Livingroom:

Running out of toilet paper: ok, so this is annoying in your home bathroom, but you can usually stretch and reach down under the vanity and desperately grab for that needed roll and all is balanced in the universe. However, in a bar, this is not the case. You struggle and fight with the dispenser, hoping for that extra roll to pop down, only to discover that it's not there. Dammit! This then leads to the awkward asking of your next door stall mate for some of that sandpaper that you really desire at that moment. You hear the same struggle and fight with her dispenser and unfortunately by the end of the night, it's just a toilet paperless visit to the loo. Remedy for this: just have another shot and you don't care.

Territorial:  After spending a year in the same bar, a comfort arises when you walk in and see the staff and a few familiar faces. However, after spending 48 hours straight (alright, maybe 36) and hanging out with friends and you walk in later on in the week only to find that you recognize the staff and if you're lucky, one other face, you become agitated and a bit snotty to the visiting Coast Guard members who have taken over your 2nd Living Room. Even though they are just as loud and obnoxious as you and your friends were over the weekend, it's your bar and not theirs. A few new faces in the crowd is usually welcomed to add variety, but a whole gaggle--not acceptable. Yes, I know this is irrational, but really, true story and you'd feel the same way if they invaded your house living room.

Lasting Memories: After spending 16 hours drinking with the same crowd, you tend to learn a lot about each other...sometimes more than what you wanted to & other times, well, these lead to moments that will be repeated and reflected upon for years to come--especially with iPhones that can take video and pictures. The catch phrases, the ribbing, the ridiculous 13 year old boy comments (though I'm usually at the lead with them) all lead to cramps in your cheeks and stomach, as well as tears streaming down your face from laughing for hours at a time.

The 80s TV show "Cheers" was popular for it's humor with Cliffy and Norm, as well as the love triangles between Sam, Diane, & what's her name, oh yeah Kirstie Alley, but what endeared that show to so many, was the fact that it reflected what we all have and want from our hometown bar. We all want a place away from home that's comfortable and fun and a place that we can walk into and see people who make us feel good. Yes, you can invite everyone over to your real living room, but that requires planning, cleaning, and effort. There's something almost magical about the hometown bar, but really it's more familial. You create a bar 'family' where you walk in ("Norm!") ask how everyone's day was, watch one of the 6 games going on. It's really not about the alcohol, though it is a lovely accessory, it's about creating and nurturing friendships and moments that can remind us what life is all about---good times, friends, laughing, and the letting go of all that is mentally unhealthy. I know that some people out there say that you can get the same thing from running groups, book clubs, and whatever other group that congregates, but the difference lies in the fact that those groups were brought together by a commonality, which usually turns into an obligation. Do you ever hear anyone say, "Yeah, I have to go to the hometown bar tonight, but I just don't feel like it"? No, you don't. Whether you stop in for one and say hi and go about your life or if you lose feeling in your ass because you've sat on that stool for 12 hours, it doesn't matter--you're there because you want to be and so are your friends.

Soundtracks

Music has always been and always will be a passion, hobby, crutch, voice when I can't find one, and vehicle for my quite obvious tone deafness. T Mack had a great post concerning music the other day & I thoroughly agreed with her findings--no surprise!--and felt the need to add to her findings. So here are my favorites throughout the last year:

Mumford & Sons "Sigh No More": this album took me a few listens to get the 'hype' but it happened and I'm obsessed. Why it took me so long, considering I love bluegrass, a celtic sound, & all things London is beyond me, but it did & I hate that I missed out on that time of listening.



Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros "Up From Below": Thanks to WXPN 88.5 in Philly for turning me onto these guys! They played an amazing set at Xponential Fest in July and provided for a great summer soundtrack and Facebook exchanges between friends.



Dawes "North Hills": Again, thanks to XPN for introducing the sweet California sound and lyrics to me. They also had an amazing set in July and a great show in York 2 weeks following, where I swear DMS had wings. I like the Middle Brother side project, but I like the fit of the Wranglers better:)



Natalie Merchant "Selections From the Album Leave Your Sleep": Natalie has been inconsistent since leaving those 10,000 Maniacs (who are still in constant rotation on my iTunes) but did a fantastic job with this Wilco/Guthrie style concept album. Her amazing voice, emotion, and humor shine through once again. And for the record, a friend and I agree that if we could have any singing voice in the world, it would be Natalie's.



Ray LaMontagne "God Willin' & The Creek Don't Rise": a fuller sound with the Pariah Dogs backing him and an almost perfect album. Saw an AMAZING show with David Gray at Merriweather with Cleve in August and it's an album that offered inspiration during the summer.



Alexander "Alexander": Though just released on Tuesday (thanks, Cleve!), the solo project from Edward Sharpe frontman is noteworthy. Fun & filled with multiple similarities to Bob Dylan, Paul Simon, Bob Marley, and himself.



Derek Evry "Don't Think": Just saw him open up for THE PUBLIC GOOD (check them out, too!) at local venue, Iota, and he's similar to Matthew Sweet, with a dash of Green Day & Freedy Johnston. Great local talent and a favorite during my commute.



This is not an all encompassing list by any means, and oh yeah, those YouTube videos are not owned by me.

Girl Power...well, Guy Power Too

Over coffee with a friend, we were discussing personal boundaries and she commented on my strong sense of self. Some may call this selfishness, I call it a vehicle to keep my sanity. The conversation continued with her relaying a story in which she apologized to someone for absolutely no reason. I stopped her and asked her to stop apologizing for everything she didn't do wrong. Within one conversation, I saw her change from someone who blended into the background to an empowered woman. So, partly in honor of Women's History Month and also as a good kick in the ass to all of us who lose that strong sense of self once in a while, I offer these reminders...oh, and when you notice me losing it, please not so kindly remind me to follow my own advice....

Always love yourself first: Cliched or not, if you don't love your self, you are unable to truly love anyone else. True Story!

Stay True to You: Though boundaries may need to be fluid at times, never compromise what makes you, well, you.

Never Apologize for Something You Haven't Done: It's been ingrained in us to say "I'm sorry" for things that have nothing to do with a wrong doing. Unless you're speaking about a loss of a life or if you have done something to hurt or offend, either intentionally or unintentionally, do not apologize for your convictions or honesty, or someone else's faults. This includes your music tastes:)

Always Apologize For Wrongs: Own them! Apologize immediately, only once, and mean it when you do. For repeated offenses, find the root cause of why you keep making the same stupid mistake and fix it.

Mean What You Say, Say What You Mean: Though tact needs to be included, fancy buzz words & cliched phrases usually fog over your genuineness. Find a way to articulate your intentions without having to say "What I really meant was_____"

Always Have a Soundtrack: Music is empowering, comforting, & cathartic.

Have a "Room of One's Own": The AMAZING Virginia Woolf had it right with this one. Everyone needs a mental and physical space to create, reflect, and take "me" time. Find it each and every day.

Don't Be Afraid to Ask for Help: Friends and family love you and everyone needs a support system at one or several points along the ups and downs of life. Put the ego away. No, you're not weak and look to them for guidance, the ability to put a voice to something, or just a good cry.